Blowing my mind

I LOVE Queen Latifah. Like, I want to go on girl-dates with her and drink beer and paint our nails and talk about how awesome Steve Martin is, even though that movie they were in was terrible, and how awesome Jimmy Fallon is, even though that movie they were in was terrible, and about how awesome LL Cool J is, even though that movie they were in was terrible, etc.

But seriously, Queen Latifah is a black, overweight woman who is massively successful worldwide musically, comedically and dramatically. She is world-renowned for her beauty, and not in a plus-size kind of exception way. She is amazing and hilarious and on my top 10 of people I would like to meet because I am completely sure that she is that great in person too (As opposed to say, Christian Bale, who I feel like I would meet and then hate and would that ruin ‘Newsies’ forever?).

Okay, with me so far?

I have been avoiding mentioning this, because I don’t want to be a name dropper. It can no longer be helped.


That guy? In the back? Is Ryan Eggold, the guy from the new, not-too-great [YET] ‘90210.’ And we went to high school together (We did drama together. A lot. In fact, my first kiss came in stage-form from him. Just putting it out there.). Anyway. I have not spoken to him in 5+ years, and it has been beyond weird watching him get marginally famous. In fact, I kind of wish that we hadn’t been friends, because I am literally only continuing to watch this new '90210' to be supportive.

But I’m wondering if he would like to reconnect so that he can take me to events where Queen Latifah is. I promise to be on my best behavior and never embarrass him, even while guzzling the free champagne (because there’s always free champagne, right?).

Okay Ryan, so here we go. I would like to meet the following:

1. Queen Latifah (Please tell me you interacted with her.)
2. Will Smith (He was probably there too, wasn’t he??)
3. Seth Green (It's not that big of a stretch - He & Peter Facinelli, Mr. Jennie Garth, must stay in touch, right?)
4. Any member of the cast of ‘The Office’ (Roy does not count.)
5. John Cusack (I can provide my own boombox.)
6. Ellen Degeneres (I love her so much, I don't even have anything sarcastic to say.)
7. Natalie Portman (We could talk about Boston and vegetarianism and being really short!)
8. Alyson Hannigan (Please don’t be with Wesley, please don’t be with Wesley.)
9. Neil Patrick Harris (Preferably not the ‘Harold & Kumar’ version-of-himself.)
10. Hilary Duff (We could totally sing Blondie together.)

If you can make this happen, just let me know.

XOXO (I will not even talk about how that show is so much better than yours. Actually, maybe you could get a crossover role - If they ever actually go to class, they'll totally need teachers.),

Ashley

Why I Hate Stephen King

I’ve been given some flack over the years for my distaste of Stephen King. But things have recently gotten out of control, and I must state my case once and for all. First, a disclaimer that you are free to use to claim my argument is invalid:

I have never read a “real” Stephen King book.

I’m not really a thriller person. But even though I haven’t read the work that made him famous, I’d be crazy to not have some respect for him, what he did for the horror genre, etc. And, yes, it was absolutely terrible when he was almost killed in that hit and run accident.

That being said, I have read this, and I have been forcefully fed different variations of this over the last 2 years since Mr. King became a guest columnist in Entertainment Weekly. What drives me insane about him is that he relies on His Relevance essentially as his thesis, explaining nothing and giving no big picture insight. I am supposed to think he’s interesting (and correct) because he’s Stephen King.

His latest entry in EW is the epitome of what I’m talking about, and this is where I draw the line: Why I Love ‘Prison Break’. I honestly thought this was a joke. It’s like a third grader’s book report (I read “Superfudge.' It was good. It taught me that it’s okay to not always like my sister. The end.), except that it’s authored with some kind of authority by supposedly one of the most respected literary minds alive.

When a writer is given an “extracurricular” forum, doesn’t he/she have a responsibility to use that power for good? To show that good language transcends format, and demonstrate the power of words by doing? (See: Dave Eggers. And how interesting that his Wikipedia page doesn’t even mention 826 Valencia.) But, instead, Entertainment Weekly pays him to share with us such illuminating opinion pieces as: “Cool and the Gang” (Billed as: "Stephen King sizes up who's cool...and who's not.") and “Stephen King’s Guide to Movie Snacks.” No, I am not making this up.

I long ago got in the habit of just flipping past the guest commentary page when I saw his photo – but I now might have to make it a habit to tear out the page and throw it away. Because now that he's offered an entire column devoted to "a rough summary of Our Story So Far, concocted not with help from the usual Internet sources but from my own little Break-obsessed head," really, what illuminating insight could possibly top it?

And btw, Uncle Stevie – as you insist on referring to yourself – you do not speak for Red Sox Nation or the Average Baseball Fan (We don’t do this or this …or this), so please stop pretending you do. (This research led me to another infuriating piece of self-promotion. Enjoy.)

Movie review: Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

I had really been looking forward to this movie, and it didn’t disappoint.

From the trailers, I thought the movie was about them (Michael Cera & Kat Dennings as the title characters) knowing they wanted to be on a date, but having to fight through some pretty standard obstacles (drunk friends, ex-significant others, a yellow car people keep mistaking for a cab) in order to do so. So, it was a pleasant surprise to get to watch Nick & Norah actually work to get to know one another.

We have 2 main characters, surrounded by a wacky supporting cast – in this case, gay bandmates, a drunk best friend, a slutty ex-girlfriend and a mooching ex-boyfriend. It’s not a revolutionary plot, but it’s pulled off without pandering. In fact, it’s refreshing:

Refreshing to watch a movie about indie rock that doesn’t hit you over the head with how hip it is. Refreshing to hear teenage characters speak in normal sentences (To take absolutely nothing away from Amy Sherman-Palladino & Diablo Cody). Refreshing to have gay characters that are pretty well-rounded outside of their sexual orientation. Refreshing to have a female lead who is normal looking (she even has some meat to her!). But mostly...

Here’s the requisite spoiler alert warning...

The plot itself is refreshingly realistic. Sure, aside from the uniforms in that first scene, I have a hard time seeing my high school experience in what was depicted on screen, but I think know enough about Kids These Days to know they will relate – even if they don’t spend their Friday nights scouring NYC for an indie rock band.

It’s on one of those Friday nights that ‘Nick & Norah’ takes place. I have a thing for movies that take place all on one day and though ‘Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist’ is more ‘Can’t Hardly Wait’ than ‘Before Sunrise,’ where it succeeds is [ironically] in its finiteness. We don’t have some bold declaration that these two will live Happily Ever After at the end; they’re just going to go home, start dating and see what happens – My, how perfectly appropriate for a pair of 17-year olds! And that’s a refreshing end to a romantic comedy.

Movie review: Melinda & Melinda

I wish that I had experienced film before Woody Allen. Because as a somewhat aficionado of the romantic comedy genre who just happens to be born in the 1980s, I have never known a world where Allen’s “revolutionary” take on the man/woman relationship/psyche wasn’t repeated in every other movie that comes out. Think: Dialogue fit for the stage, including rambling monologues, drives to the Hamptons and a tangled web of urban-dwelling friends and their sexual forays.

So it’s from this perspective that I found 'Melinda & Melinda' perfectly enjoyable, if not just a tad tired. The script could have been written in 1970, Melinda could have been played by Diane Keaton and Will Ferrell was 100% channeling every sex-crazed, neurotic character Woody Allen has ever played. Even the clever ploy to show 2 sides of the same story felt fresher in ‘Sliding Doors.’ All that, combined with the forced narration via pretentious New York artistes in the form of Wallace Shawn, et al – it just felt so done. (Side note: It’s this very feeling that had me really hoping that Allen’s ‘Match Point‘ would be as breathtaking as critics would have had you think a couple of years back. Was he finally going to try something new?? But, he didn’t – he made the same movie, just with creepier music.).

So, eh. I think I’ll stick with ‘Annie Hall.’ 6.75/10 Twix bars.

Rally monkey, rally monkey.

Dear Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim:

Please pull yourselves together. Tonight, please focus on:

• Having a starting pitcher go more than 5 innings.
• Providing that starting pitcher with some run support.
  
• Not making dumb base running errors.
• Remembering that this is the playoffs.
• Running for balls in the outfield (It would also help to call them.).
• Playing baseball. Remember last night (this morning), when you scored a run by: Single, Sacrifice bunt, single? That is what you need to do. Don’t worry about the lack of extra-base hits, or swinging for the fences – focus on playing BASEBALL. Like you did when you won ONE HUNDRED GAMES this season.
  

I'm sorry, I don't mean to yell. The curse is over. I know you can do this.

Love,
Ashley

Man of the Month: October

Wow, I had a hard time choosing a Man of the Month this time.

In honor of the MLB playoffs starting and the awesome fact that the Angels are totally going to break their god-awful postseries record versus the Red Sox: Should I choose Garrett Anderson, who I loooove?

But I’ve also lo[ooo]ved him since I was 12, and that kind of creeps me out.

The Office is back. I love you, Jim.

But I’m a little worried about your motivation for the Big Thing That Happened Last Week (Spoiler at the end of that link).

I would love to honor one Mr. Tim Riggins, as his show - among the best on television - is returning to air, and that’s a big deal.

But I won’t get to see it until January, and that’s too sad to draw attention to. Seriously, who even has DirectTV?

Ed Westwick. Oh Charles Trout. How can I not admire your penchant for ascots and shorts? But it’s really the fact that you’re actually British and were totally in the 'Son of Rambow' that has you in contention here.


But, I’m just not sure it’s enough – your eyebrows are out of control, and your storyline on Monday was lame-O.

In my attempt to think about a non-TV contender for MotM, I ran through my less-than-stellar recent movie viewing record and remembered the theater-wide swoon that came out when this came onto the screen during 'The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2.'Seriously. Wow. But, dagnammit, he has been on 'Greek' this season, and can never really overtake Cappy in my heart.

So instead of awarding any of the above (All of whom have something to prove over the next month – they don’t need the extra pressure), I would like to acknowledge someone who’s really been there for me over the years.

This one’s for you, Taye Diggs – Because ‘Rent’ is closing on Broadway, because this was amazing...



...because your successful (?) show is returning to TV, you & Idina Mendzel are really adorable and because sometimes it hurts to look at you because you’re so pretty.

It's everywhere.

As I’ve mentioned, a new initiative at work involves the marketers writing [insightful] blogs about the state of the market, industry, etc. Now, because I know my SEO (that’s search-engine optimization, yo), I would never duplicate content online, and jeopardize the search rankings of my company’s website. But because it hasn’t been published yet, I thought I’d share here for now.

Mixing it up, marketing-style

Finding creative ways to reach consumers isn’t new. From sponsoring radio shows, to the ever-present green screen ads behind home plate, advertisers have always been looking for the newt, creative way to get in front of their ideal audience. The past has brought us such advertising gems as:

• Billboards inside bathroom stalls: The best one I’ve ever seen of these was for some kind of liquor – it listed random trivia facts, for no other reason than to occupy your time (Did you know that Donald Duck is banned in Finland because he doesn’t wear pants?) The worst? An ad for the boxed DVD set of “Sex and the City” that started playing the theme song as soon as you entered the stall. I couldn’t get out of there quickly enough.
• Commercials before movies: Remember when these appeared out of nowhere and everyone was in an uproar? Now, we’re used to the complete branded experience that theaters offer – sneak peeks at a television show that you can chat about with your date, while seeing a car ad while texting the cinema radio station to tell them what song you’d like to hear next.
• Text ads that populate based on what you’re writing an email about: The talk of the town when Google introduced these, they allow advertisers to contextualize their product. Writing an email about a new CD you bought? Go see that band in concert! Creepy, or helpful?

The newest trend is what Forrester research has deemed “ubiquitous marketing,” a varietal of marketing that acknowledges that today’s consumer environment is all about interactivity. We text message to vote for pop stars, choose interactive kiosks over human interaction, read magazines online so we can share our comments, and check review websites for everything from doctors to bars.

To reach consumers in such an environment, it can’t just be about broadcasting more ads out into the world, and it’s certainly more hopping on the Web 2.0 buzz train – effective marketing must be about providing targeted information to your audience and knowing how that audience expects to receive information. Let’s not rehash how the internet has changed the way the world works. Beyond the changing face of online advertising, there’s a world of interactivity options out there for your marketing message – and a slew of compelling reasons that your brand should consider them:

MOBILE. While Japan and Europe are already aboard the mobile train, American brands are running a little late. Mobile marketing doesn’t have to mean a promotional text message that most consumers would align with SPAM. Rather, start to think of phones and BlackBerrys (how are those for ubiquitous?) as a way for consumers to interact with the rest of your marketing mix. In field marketing, use a bar code or SMS to provide your audience with an additional branded experience – or to gather more information from them. Mobile couponing – already widespread in South Korea and Japan – truly shortens the distance between your audience and point of purchase by allowing the consumer to carry your promotion around with them.

OUTDOOR. A time to interact with your audience that was once lost can now be filled with out-of-home advertising. Is your message particularly relevant to a certain audience or environment? Align it with content offered via videos or interactive kiosks in sports clubs, bars, restaurants, elevators, amusement parks, taxis, trains, at gas pumps, etc. Your customer is already engaged, this type of interactivity enables a natural call to action. Digital outdoor displays kicks the billboard business up a notch (or 50) by delivering content in real time, to truly relate to its viewers in an and actionable way: In Times Square during lunch time? Stop in at Friday’s.

Effective marketing shortens the sales cycle and/or narrows the space between point of purchase and consumer. For your message to reach the right consumer and elicit the right reaction today, your marketing must be service-oriented and truly facilitate the consumer experience. Ubiquitous marketing allows you to do this by relying on digital technology that is inherently easier to track, evaluate and update.

Most new media channels have measurement built in – gone are the days where a media plan that was crafted 18 months in advance can see your fiscal year through. The successful brand must be nimble – able and willing to react to data as it comes in. Imagine the possibilities of performance-driven advertising: No longer do you have to cast a wide net or be satisfied with brand awareness. You can follow your consumer through the marketing funnel and fine-tune your message – and investment – to maximize sales.

Does your brand have an identifiable audience, and a goal beyond building awareness? As consumers flock to DVR capabilities, upgrade to the latest phone with the gamut of interactivity offers, and become more and more immune to the One-Size-Fits-All mentality of traditional advertising, not supplementing your media mix with some cutting-edge capabilities becomes dangerous. Ubiquitous marketing is a challenge, but an exciting one that promises a more practical return on your investment, as well as productive data that you can use to establish workable campaigns, procure more budget, or justify an unusual spend.

Just breathe.

I just had a 90-day "mini-review." It’s a good idea – after 90 days in a new job, both parties should have an idea of how things are going, what should come next, and any looming issues that could be nipped in the bud (Hey, not unlike in a relationship).

Things are going well – my boss thinks that I am organized and efficient and have a solid grasp of the business and processes. And we’re finally going to start splitting up responsibilities, so the other manager and I aren’t constantly overlapping efforts. Here’s the problem. The two initiatives that I am supposed to work on are:

• "Getting out there": At least a few times a day, walk to someone’s office and have a conversation instead of emailing.
• Breathing: Talk more slowly.

He could have told me that I needed to double company revenue and I probably would be equally concerned. I mean, he really summarized my workplace shortcomings, right?

Yes, I prefer email as a way to communicate and, yes, I may have heard once or twice that I need to slow down when speaking (Let’s not let this little ironic tidbit pass without comment: Because I talk too fast, email really is the most effective way for me to communicate.). This office is relatively small – 70ish people – and people are always gathering in the hall, eating lunch in the kitchen together, etc. I know that not strictly work-related conversations can actually be productive. So, it’s not that I couldn’t see this coming.

But here’s the thing – I’m not exactly a “visitor.” Email was invented for someone like me – I feel like I am interrupting people or being a micro-manager if I pop into someone’s office. I mean, we’ve had a kick-off meeting and then an email outlining next steps, how is it not overbearing for me to check in with you? But, according to my boss, that’s how things get done around here and people will appreciate me making the effort. It will help me become a fully-engrained part of this team. Really, it’s not about getting more done professionally, it’s about being more involved personally. And that’s making my heart beat really fast.

But, this is a new job, and my boss is right – even getting here was a huge leap outside my comfort zone. So, if I’m going to be good at this, which I think I could be (whether or not I want to be, well, that’s a story for a different day), then I need to play by these rules. Um, wish me luck.

Happy Ben Folds Day!

Today marks the release of ‘Way to Normal’, Ben Folds first album since 2005. Hello Ben, 2005?? I know you were busy getting all divorced and remarried and traumatizing me with the not-romantic information that this is Marriage #4, but come on, no time for an album release in between all that?

Ben Folds has brought a lot of good to my life – He led me to Ben Lee, once opened a concert to the ‘Jesus Christ Superstar’ overture and provided the perfect Father/Daughter dance song, so I would like to overlook his whole ‘personal life’ thing and celebrate today with a little breakdown of the Best of BF/BFF.

Magic. I listened to this song a lot when Donovan was sick. It helped.



The Luckiest. Apparently, Ben feels like every other woman he meets makes him The Luckiest, but for those of us with only one One-and-Only, this song is still pretty sweet.

Late. This is one of the songs that I occasionally find myself thinking about and that I MUST hear right away. He wrote it for Elliott Smith, someone he didn’t know too well, but whose death he was effected by. Who can’t relate to that?

Song for the Dumped. This song is hilarious. Give me back that black t-shirt indeed.

‘Regrets’ and ‘Don’t Change Your Plans for Me’ should be on the ultimate mixed tape for a recent college grad. Not that this (from ‘Regrets”) has ever been me:

I thought about the hours wasted
Watching TV, drinking beer
I thought about the things I thought about
Until immobilized with fear
And all the great ideas I had
And how we just made fun
Of those who had the guts to try and fail

Nope, never done that.

I can’t even highlight a single poignant lyric from ‘Don’t Change Your Plans’ because each one could hit you in a different place.

I could [try to] wax poetic about each and every song Ben Folds and Ben Folds Five has ever released and that’s because over the years I’ve been obsessed with all of them. Lyrically, I don’t know of anyone who marries (ha!) the poignant and the hilarious quite so well (Think: ‘Song for the Dumped’ followed by ‘Philosophy’ – you can read a lot into the juxtaposition just from the song titles.), and so many of his songs start out with just the right bang (Is there a better opening lyric than “I feel like a quote out of context”?).

Specific, touching, searing and insightful – I have high demands/hopes for ‘Way to Normal,’ and am confident I won’t be disappointed. Unless he gets divorced again.

Concert Review: The Swell Season

Last Friday, Jessica & I celebrated our 8-year friend-iversary with a pizza/beer/concert date. We met for dinner at Sicilia’s, which is the site of our first real bonding session, following our first ever college party – if college parties involve many foreign exchange students and martinis. (This is a party we now refer to as the “Russian Party” – it probably would have been cleverer to call it the Romanov Party.) Never again in college did we attend such a bizarre party, so it’s perfect that that one was our first. And it marked the first of many bonding sessions involving food and booze.

Okay, so the concert! Was amazing!

The acoustics were kind of terrible – occasionally it sounded like there was a screeching microphone going crazy behind the stage. Also, it was freezing. I honestly don’t know if that had anything to do with the hockey ice beneath the floor, but I kind of wanted to die. So, in general – hockey arenas = non-ideal settings for concerts. But they really overcame all those handicaps and put on a heartwarming show.

The opening acts were both enjoyable, even though neither introduced themselves. Having completed some research, I realize that perhaps I should have known who Patty Griffin was. But I’m going to need you to at least tell us your name when you come out – I’m probably more musically informed than 50% of the crowd of double-dating couples over the age of 60 there and I didn’t recognize any of your songs that have not previously been performed by the Dixie Chicks.

Once the Swell Season came on, things really got rocking. Marketa is totally tiny, and she spoke very little – Glen Hansard is definitely the face and mouth of this band (hopefully not that relationship too?). They performed most of the songs from 'Once,' a few old Frames songs and two new songs that sounded amazing. At one point, they brought up a busker who they (and we!) had passed on the street on the way in, and had him play a song, after which, Glen said “He was really fu**in’ good, eh?” It was pretty adorable.

The best part of the show is that it was obvious throughout the full hour+ how happy they were to be there. How fortunate and overwhelmed they have been with their success. They said thank you (actually, “tanks”) after every song, and never once did it seem insincere. I felt warm and fuzzy, especially when Marketa came out for the encore and sang 2 songs by herself. I am not sure a more quietly beautiful song than “The Hill’ exists.

In conclusion, 10 Twix bars! I hope The Swell Season stops touring soon so they can work on a new full album. In the meantime, I’ll work on expanding into a The Frames fan.