Do you plan to see Marley & Me? Stop reading right now.
No, seriously, stop.
This was the worst movie ever. You remember the massive marketing campaign around this movie a few months ago? About how heartwarming it was going to be and how perfect it would be for the family to see at Christmas? Okay, well the only possible redeeming thing about this film is that I was not fooled by that marketing campaign. Because if I had been, it’s quite possible that Christmas would have been ruined. Forever.
I am, of course, exaggerating. But it was an incredibly painful experience. I watched it on a plane from Boston to Dallas, and had I tried to write this review immediately afterwards, I wouldn’t have been able to, because my eyes were literally swollen shut from all the crying. Buckets and buckets of tears.
Let’s see, how many things within this movie made me cry? We’ve got: a miscarriage, a marriage in trouble, a family growing and an unsatisfied career man. We have a puppy doing adorable things, and then a grown dog doing adorable things. We have a family settling into a happy life, children doing adorable things, wife encouraging husband on a career path, dog getting older, a health scare and family realizing he is dying. We have the silent exchange of ‘It’s okay, it’s time’ recognition between dog and owner, a vet’s office goodbye, and as if that weren’t enough, children reading letters to the dog at his graveside. Dear god.
Maybe the real problem is that, despite what the plot sounds like, the movie wasn’t overly sentimental. Jennifer Aniston & Owen Wilson are two of the most likable actors around, which might have made this even more painful.
I have to stop writing this now, because if I think in any more detail about how this movie ended, I will dissolve into a puddle of tears. Actual movie: 7 Twix bars. My emotional reaction to this movie: -3.5 Twix bars.