April 1, 2009

Top 9: I don't know what it is but it seems she's got me twisted...

We love guest commentary (these days, it might seem more prevalent than home turf commentary!):

I’m referring, of course to Kara DioGuardi. Some factoids ripped from her Wiki:
  • She is of Albanian and Italian descent.
  • She has worked with Celine Dion, David Archuleta, Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Leona Lewis, Ashley Tisdale, P!nk, Kylie Minogue, Britney Spears and Paula Abdul.
Some factoids ripped from my brain about Kara:
  • She is the perfect mix of uselessness and irritation.
  • She is like the lovechild of Randy and Paula: extremely mild and unwilling to offend, yet with none of joys of Paula’s poetry.
  • She may have the background to be qualified as a judge, but she sure as hell isn’t proving to be interesting enough as one.
Moving on to a new rant: Randy. Dude, you know, you’re kind-of just alright for me anymore. I mean, I know you make some interesting style choices and are representing a lot of people’s opinions (in never giving a meaningful one on anything), but I am just not feeling you so much. WHAT HAPPENED?! You used to get excited! You used to scream and whoop and yell words like, “Hot!”, “Dawg!”, and “Hotdog!”. I miss your personality. Did Kara steal it from you and mix in the part of Paula’s that was sucked out to make her cheekbones more exaggerated?

Okay, enough. For now. Paula and Simon are annoying the heck out of me too, but that would be at least five more paragraphs and it’s time to move on to last night’s business: Songs that are popular downloads on iTunes. My question: How popular do they need to be? I was looking for a little more clarity there, as I’m sure many of you were. I did like the visit of the contestants to Ryan’s radio show—I give him a listen every now and then, and definitely appreciate him as a disc jockey (He’s might be losing his flair as the host, but again, I won’t be sidetracked.). Let me just insert that I love Top 40 music, not because pop changes my life in any way, but because I like to stay connected to what’s popular and Casey Kasem’s voice always made me feel like I was dipping a spoon into a fresh bowl of chocolate mousse. Plus, we all have to support someone who supported 'Saved By the Bell', right?

Anoop started the show with a shouty and echoey “Caught Up” by Usher. I heart Usher and I don’t know, guys. Does it bother anyone else how Anoop looks so angry when he sings? During judging, the word “vocals” was used 7 times and during Anoop’s rebuttal he said “opinion” about 5 or 6 times. That’s all I got. After the break, Megan over-Winehoused “Turn Your Lights Down Low” but ended it beautifully—I just could cling to the last notes forever. It seemed like the women were actually giving her constructive criticism, but the men just criticized. We’ll see where Megan Joy (OMG I can’t even deal with THAT) falls—I’m betting on bottom three. Danny decided he “wanted to tone it down this week” so he sang “What Hurts the Most” (a song I can’t stand) by Rascal Flatts (men that look like fools). It was good, but I don’t really care? The judges went insane with praise and Danny shared that “when you got a heart” you must share it. Allison, dressed as Barbie of Barbie and the Rockers, did “her” version of 'Don’t Speak', and it was individualistic. Don’t take that as a compliment from me. The judges did all they could not to praise her because she is turning into a front runner and I think they want to knock her down a peg, so they only focused on her outfit and not the performance. Scott came out next and elicited a mental Ay! Ay! AY! from me (my favorite phrase from my trip to Puerto Rico) with his performance of 'Just the Way You Are' by B.J. [Editor's Note: Billy Joel is the absolute best. As Robin stated at my house last night, “It was definitely good, but the mullet is really distracting.” I agree wholeheartedly—they trimmed the sides but not the back? The text from a letter I overnighted to the studio today:
Dear American Idol Stylists, It is a cruel joke to give an Indian teen a Mohawk. It is a travesty to give a 21 year old mom pink hair. But it is to hell that you are bound when you give a blind man a mullet. Love, Jessica

Matt stood in the weirdest arrangement yet on Idol (and I am counting Kat McPhee’s barefoot sitting with congo drummer) at his keyboard surrounded by fans singsing the Fray’s “You Found Me”. I can’t stop disliking this dude. He dresses horribly, sings raspily (not a word) and CREEPS me out. I feel like he’s got a sketchy past—I can’t wait until something comes out about him. The performance: interesting but meh. Lil, clad in the wig of the week, brought her kids this week to see her sing “I Surrender” and she had to when the judges came down kinda hard on her. Her daughter volunteered to punch Randy on her behalf, but upon arrival just ended up in the most adorable hug. This endeared me enough to Randy to let him by with only minor insults this week. Still a warning: Bring back your personality, dawg. Moving on to…

Adam. Play That Funky Music. Crazy tongue. Insane dancing. Lots of falsetto riffing. Comparisons to Steven Tyler and Mick Jagger. Is that enough? It was insane-o yet again, but masterful? He will be just fine and I even think he’s gonna win, but I don’t know if I can actually embrace that! It’s just all soooo dramatic. Not that a musician shouldn’t be somewhat spectacular in the unique way he is. I don’t know. He needs to win me over. Like…..Kris has. Sigh. Even with what I refer to as a “grit-stache” he is so dreeeeeeeamy. Really putting his heart into “Ain’t No Sunshine”, he gave his definite best performance so far, and moved into what I would consider a more serious realm, not just a poppy sweetheart guy like Gavin DeGraw or David Archuleta. I of course fell asleep with happy dreams of him leaving his wife and taking me on the Idol tour with him this summer.

So—who’s in trouble? I think Anoop, Megan, Matt, and Lil are going to be among the lower vote-getters this time around. Good luck in the pool and more tomorrow with results!

Love and fake hair and LIVE! With Regis!,


My Irish is Up said...

Great take on things, Jessica. I wonder, does it bother anybody else that Paula and Kara (judges??) get up and boogie like go-go dancers? Is that their idea of professionalism? And there can be NO doubt that Paula is on some serious medication, hopefully prescription. Geez, she is irritating. I don't know how Simon controls himself sometimes.

Jezka said...

Speaking of professionalism, I think the constant chatter among them and the ridiculous bickering between them is totally unacceptable. I am just tired of it--and camera men, please help me by showing only one judge in the frame at a time so I don't have to see the facial reactions of the others.