Top 7 v2: Looking for some hot stuff

Sure. we're a little late with this week's 'American Idol' Guest Commentary, but isn't the wait worth it?

Disco Night was not totally what I hoped for—meaning that there was no evidence of cocaine use, bell bottoms, and DEFINITELY not enough sequins. Shout out to little Iraheta for wearing the spangly top…digging it. It did prove interesting on the performance front, which I guess I will have to settle for. Great improvements included a return to the Randy, Kara, Paula, then Simon judging order, no wasted time with mentors pre-judging a performance before it happens, and the return of the fire-y backdrop. (Just kidding about the latter, I hate that thing, and during Danny’s performance I had to overcome the worst case of motion sickness I’ve had since the first time I rode Superman at Six Flags.)

Highlights of the show:

• Allison on the steps with her broken down baby doll posing (thanks to Tyra) and her AWESOME rendition of Hot Stuff. Despite the toned-down red hair, she really kicked it up a notch this week, and deservedly got to stay with us as the token female and token racial minority.
• Kris swoony-swoon-swoon cares about hard-workin' girls. And he isn’t amazingly cheesy when accompanied by a small band of drummers, which is hard to pull off. He also kicked butt with the arrangement, reminding me of the early days of John Mayer, someone I can see him growing to be like with the chances he takes and his interest in singing a story rather than just notes. Not to mention his slight Southern sex appeal.
• Seeing Matt try to dance. Having the hat to cover his mole.
• Wondering what the heck kind of spanks Lil was wearing under that bodysuit. Damn, girl! She looked amazingly curvalicious and her diva hair helped. Too bad the judges and America didn’t embrace her performance—I didn’t really think it was that bad, it was just more that everyone decided it was her time to go.
• Anoop’s facial hair. (I can’t believe I just wrote that.)

Things that brought me utter despair and tormented sadness:

• The judges using THE MOST clichés and packaged phrases EVER. I didn’t take really specific notes, but it was ridiculous.
• Lambert’s song. What is this? Who gives a damn? Next! (Oh, and I DID notice how he couldn’t resist throwing one of his crazy screams in there.)
  
• Noopsie’s (my own little nickname for his fan group) dull dull dull performance of blah blah blah that just totally zzzz….
• Dan. Ny. Go. Key. Paula’s insanity is unleashed when you do your hypnotic back-up singer dancing. She was totally entranced into spewing some nonsense about you having one of the sexiest male voices in the entire galaxy. Let me just tell you, you don’t. Also, she mentioned that women of all ages would enjoy you. Let me just tell you, I don’t. I really hate your entire tone. [Editor's note: He is Taylor Hicks, redux]
  

What I want next week (Oh my god, the theme is “Rat Pack Standards”. Not my genre, nor do I see it being a good area for any of the top 5? Should be interesting, yipes)

• More of Paula’s choreography and Adam’s execution of it during the results show! That whole thing was AMAZING. Not the singing, just the show choir feel of it all. Oh, and the COSTUMES. I love it when they force them to wear really strange things like sunglasses indoors and go-go boots.
• Keep the judging order.
• Give us a little more insight into these people’s lives!
• Fiberglass wall between Simon and Paula so they can’t touch each other.
• Kris to dress up.
• Mole removal for Matt.
• Ryan to fall flat on his face when coming down those blue stairs.
• Round trip airfare and deluxe accommodations so I can watch in person.
• A pony.
• World peace.

Until then, lots of love, elastic undergarments (from the women’s section), and age appropriate dance moves (thank you Allison, no thank you Gokey),

Jessica