Anyone watch 'Greek'?

This is my friend Megan:

We have been best friends since age 13, and there are 1,5711 things that I am grateful to her for (The surprise 17th birthday party she threw me, the shirt she lent me to wear at a party when I spilled all over mine, the whole bridesmaid thing, etc.), but these days I am especially appreciative of her because of the show 'Greek,' which she introduced me to last year.

'Greek' is the only show I watch that I am always happy after. (Other post-viewing emotions - 'Gossip Girl': Intrigued. 'American Idol': Outraged. 'Mad Men': Depressed. 'Fringe': Perplexed. 'Lost': Exhilerated. 'The Office': Sad [that it's over for a whole other week. No, really.]) 'Greek' is just always 100% a good time. Its creator is the first to admit that with this show he's not trying to make any big statement or teach anyone anything or be controversial - he just wanted to make a show about college kids having fun, and it's the greatest hour of lighthearted entertainment around (especially now that the CW stu-stu-stupidly canceled 'Privileged,' a show 2000% better than the new '90210,' and - I can pretty much guarantee - the upcoming new 'Melrose Place.')

Anyway. The only reason I am babbling on about 'Greek' today is because of this girl, Johanna Braddy:

She joined the show this season (just like the high-brow HBO shows, 'Greek' does 12-episode mini-seasons, so you get to still be watching, while everything else is on hiatus!), and I can't quite decide how I feel about her. But however I feel about her is the exact same way that I feel about Mrs. American Idol, because, seriously - How much do she and Kris Allen's wife look alike??

Final thoughts on American Idol

I didn’t vote for an ‘American Idol’ last night. Actually, now that I think about it, in all the years I’ve been watching ‘American Idol,’ I don’t think I’ve ever voted in the final round, either because of apathy (Cook v. Archuleta), anger (Hicks v. McPhee) or honeymoon (Sparks v. Lewis). This year, it’s none of those things (But if you want to go to Costa Rica right now, just let me know). Kris and Adam are the only two contestants I voted for all year, and I really like both of them, but it’s like I spent so much energy as of late lamenting the presence of Danny Gokey that now that he’s finally gone, my passion has subsided.

First, about Kris Allen. With that face, and his ability to knock it out of the park with unexpected takes on well-known songs, he’s like Jason Castro 2.0. Smart choices like ‘Falling Slowly’ got him here, and his music could be insanely popular in the acoustic pop/college rock vein, like a Jason Mraz + Dispatch combo (So, no, I won’t be buying his CD.). I want him to win because all the way up through last night, the judges refuse to acknowledge that he has been a solid front-runner the entire competition. I’m not sure why they refuse to get behind him (even when they’re supportive it’s with some caveat, comparing him to others, or calling him a dark horse, when in reality he was in the bottom three, what, once?), but I think it has something to do with the fact he wasn’t featured excessively in any of the audition or Hollywood Week footage. How did the public know to like him, without being told to do so?? Kris Allen winning proves that voters are in fact in charge here. And, like I said, that face. Come on.



On the other hand, I wholeheartedly believe that Adam Lambert is the most talented contestant that’s ever been on this show. Period. Seriously, enough with the claims that he's somehow "made" it already because he's in the traveling cast of a musical. First off, that's hardly the big-time. And secondly, training and ambition do not make an undeserving contestant. I don’t want to make a habit out of quoting Randy Jackson, but he could literally sing the phone book. He really went on this ‘Idol’ journey, rocking our pants off one week with soaring high notes and crazy glam outfits, and then reeling it way back, and making incredibly soft songs powerful - still in the crazy glam outfits, of course. I have no idea what kind of music he would make, (Trevor thinks he’s like Meatloaf – and that could work. Jessica thinks he’s like Queen - I’m not sure that would.), but Adam Lambert winning proves that America can handle a challenging contestant.



I think what I'm saying here is that we're all winners. What do you think? Do you vote for 'American Idol'? Or, are you just excited that the finale means this blog can go back to talking about other things?

An eye for an eye

Paula Abdul has a lot of faults. These include, but are certainly not limited to, a penchant for outfits that simultaneously smush yet reveal her breasts, and her willingness to lip-sync through her performance on a “singing competition.” However, she also loved Elliott Yamin so much, she sometimes cried:

I’d like to think that the song on Elliott’s new album called “Cold Heart” is somehow in appreciation of Paula’s devotion & support.





(Dude, did you know that David Fincher directed the “Cold-Hearted Snake” video? Crazy.)

Top 7 v2: Looking for some hot stuff

Sure. we're a little late with this week's 'American Idol' Guest Commentary, but isn't the wait worth it?

Disco Night was not totally what I hoped for—meaning that there was no evidence of cocaine use, bell bottoms, and DEFINITELY not enough sequins. Shout out to little Iraheta for wearing the spangly top…digging it. It did prove interesting on the performance front, which I guess I will have to settle for. Great improvements included a return to the Randy, Kara, Paula, then Simon judging order, no wasted time with mentors pre-judging a performance before it happens, and the return of the fire-y backdrop. (Just kidding about the latter, I hate that thing, and during Danny’s performance I had to overcome the worst case of motion sickness I’ve had since the first time I rode Superman at Six Flags.)

Highlights of the show:

• Allison on the steps with her broken down baby doll posing (thanks to Tyra) and her AWESOME rendition of Hot Stuff. Despite the toned-down red hair, she really kicked it up a notch this week, and deservedly got to stay with us as the token female and token racial minority.
• Kris swoony-swoon-swoon cares about hard-workin' girls. And he isn’t amazingly cheesy when accompanied by a small band of drummers, which is hard to pull off. He also kicked butt with the arrangement, reminding me of the early days of John Mayer, someone I can see him growing to be like with the chances he takes and his interest in singing a story rather than just notes. Not to mention his slight Southern sex appeal.
• Seeing Matt try to dance. Having the hat to cover his mole.
• Wondering what the heck kind of spanks Lil was wearing under that bodysuit. Damn, girl! She looked amazingly curvalicious and her diva hair helped. Too bad the judges and America didn’t embrace her performance—I didn’t really think it was that bad, it was just more that everyone decided it was her time to go.
• Anoop’s facial hair. (I can’t believe I just wrote that.)

Things that brought me utter despair and tormented sadness:

• The judges using THE MOST clichés and packaged phrases EVER. I didn’t take really specific notes, but it was ridiculous.
• Lambert’s song. What is this? Who gives a damn? Next! (Oh, and I DID notice how he couldn’t resist throwing one of his crazy screams in there.)
  
• Noopsie’s (my own little nickname for his fan group) dull dull dull performance of blah blah blah that just totally zzzz….
• Dan. Ny. Go. Key. Paula’s insanity is unleashed when you do your hypnotic back-up singer dancing. She was totally entranced into spewing some nonsense about you having one of the sexiest male voices in the entire galaxy. Let me just tell you, you don’t. Also, she mentioned that women of all ages would enjoy you. Let me just tell you, I don’t. I really hate your entire tone. [Editor's note: He is Taylor Hicks, redux]
  

What I want next week (Oh my god, the theme is “Rat Pack Standards”. Not my genre, nor do I see it being a good area for any of the top 5? Should be interesting, yipes)

• More of Paula’s choreography and Adam’s execution of it during the results show! That whole thing was AMAZING. Not the singing, just the show choir feel of it all. Oh, and the COSTUMES. I love it when they force them to wear really strange things like sunglasses indoors and go-go boots.
• Keep the judging order.
• Give us a little more insight into these people’s lives!
• Fiberglass wall between Simon and Paula so they can’t touch each other.
• Kris to dress up.
• Mole removal for Matt.
• Ryan to fall flat on his face when coming down those blue stairs.
• Round trip airfare and deluxe accommodations so I can watch in person.
• A pony.
• World peace.

Until then, lots of love, elastic undergarments (from the women’s section), and age appropriate dance moves (thank you Allison, no thank you Gokey),

Jessica

When did it become Wednesday?

Monday was Patriot’s Day here in Massachusetts, when tens of thousands of runners challenge themselves on the legendary 26.2 mile Boston marathon course. Even more tens of thousands of drunk college students line the streets cheering for them. In the midst of all this, for some reason, the Red Sox play a day game. But not just any day game. An 11AM day game. This means that people start lining up outside of bars at 9:30AM, and the game gets out right as the majority of runners make their way through the Fenway Park-neighboring Kenmore Square. It’s epic, that’s for sure, but the extra long weekend is also to blame for me being dreadfully backed up on blogging.

Coming soon:

• Movie reviews! 'Sunshine Cleaning,' 'Vicky Christina Barcelona' and the first hour of 'I’m Not There.'
• American Idol! Or not. Last night, the real American Idols were the Hundred Years War band members, who played an amazing show, organized by Ryan’s Smashing Life. Their fans were out in full force. This is code for We-Were-Out-Really-Late-and-Drank-Many-Beers-So-Don’t-Expect-an-American-Idol-Recap.
• Craft beer! The Craft Brewer’s Conference is here in Boston this week, meaning there are all sorts of snobby and awesome beer events going on. What a great opportunity for me to force my opinions about Good Beer onto you!

Top 7- Take this sinking boat and point it home...

Last night's 'American Idol' had me wondering two things: 1) What will it take to get them to fit into an hour-long slot and stop messing up my DVR settings for 'Fringe'? 2) Could movie night redeem itself in guest commentator Jessica's eyes? See for yourselves:

Oh. My. GOOOODNESS!!! As Ryan would say, “We’re back on American Idol!”

Last night’s show managed to pull me back in. Was it the band being onstage? No. Was it Quentin Tarantino’s gosh-darn-ain’t-life-grand take on things? Maybe. Was it having a theme that allowed me and my roommates to belt out exceptionally cheesy movie song faves? Quite possibly. Was it seeing Gokey with no glasses? Almost definitely.

But what really made me happy was seeing these singers that have truly decided (in accordance with my belief, of course) that the judges don’t matter, and they are going to just go ahead and “do their thing.” And you know what? I enjoy that. Like I’ve always thought, the reason I like 'American Idol' is that it gives me a chance to watch singers: fairly good to great singers, doing something they really care about.

So, after my quavering last week, I’m back on board. Still hatin’ on the judges though (it’s not about you), and wishing that they could freakin’ figure out how to fit the show into an hour spot. (Which reminds me…is next week when everyone starts doing two songs? YES! I LOVE that!)

Instead of reviewing the performances chronologically this week, I’ve made three groups (in tribute to one of my recaps last year): Bleh, Meh, and YEAH!

Bleh:

Matty Matt Matt Boston A-Hole J.T. Wannabe Giraud: Wow, they really reamed you a new one. In a lot of ways. Ryan asking you about your confidence level? Rude. Not including castanets (thanks for pointing this out, Melissa) in the arrangement of “Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman?” Thoughtless. Allowing you to pronounce love as “luuuu-uuurrve”? Yipes! The recovery from the falsetto was really rough, and Randy and Kara harped on it. All that “for me, for you, tonight” crap from Randy could be interpreted as they don’t really think you’re the shiz anymore. Even Kara, who only wants to say wonderful stuff about you and is your main champion, ooquestions why you tk away the core melodies and in turn ruined the song. Should have followed QT’s advice: Do the gravel and the soul, but don’t lose the song, and enunciate the lyrics.

Allison Muppet Hair that matches belt and tights Iraheta: Quentin “pushed her to a performance level” on her version of “Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” (which is soooo blah), and she didn’t do super poorly, but she did achieve boring. Paula didn’t make any comment on her actual performance, and Simon verified that she may have more confidence than before. (Who cares??) At least she was comfortable with her song, and not just because her outfit was an old mechanic’s jumpsuit turned rocker dress.

Danny “this touches my heart” Gokey: Looked like he was in pain during his performance. Maybe I am usually so distracted by his glasses I don’t notice that he’s always pulling faces? “Endless Love” seemed endless and hardly lovely, although Paula found “a magical place in the tambor of his voice” and Simon was disappointed but congratulated Danny on the emotional trial he went through to perform. So maybe it was real pain? I couldn’t be certain. Can I take this moment to comment on how MUCH I HATE GRAVELLY VOICES? It is not acceptable any longer, folks. I will not support grumbling as singing.

Meh:

Adam “does not look good in tight jeans, especially super faded gray ones, which is funny because he should look good in everything” Lambert: Oh where to begin. This guy is, as QT stated, the Real Deal and yes, all of us enjoy a taste of Adam too, 'tino. But how do I even react when I know what he can do? It’s so over-dramatic and I felt like it was “Born to Be Wild” from the musical version of 'Easy Rider,' which is not exactly the same as a movie song? Paula praised Adam for, get this, “daring to dance in the path of greatness” which means “daring to wear those pants and dance” I believe. Simon joked that Adam needs to learn to express himself, but was probably right in judging that this performance wouldn’t be as popular as last week. Which brings me to another point: Why do they compare week to week so much? Just tell me WHAT YOU THINK NOW. Judge. Simple, easy command, and your title, by the way. My thoughts: Adam, I want to support you morally, but every time you pull a stunt like this, I question if I would listen to your music, and often think I wouldn’t. You can honestly do anything…so impress me, don’t scare me away.

Lil “Takes it all in and gets it done” Rounds: I AM SO HAPPY FOR HER THIS WEEK. I loved it. Why is she not a "yeah!"? Well, all the talk back. It makes me fear for her. She sang a really well-known song, which I think is good, and tackled it in “her” way. And I really enjoy gospel, so it made me happy. I also loved how she took (once again, great one!) Quentin’s advice to commit to being simple in the beginning before the gospel break down. I thought that girlish innocence in the beginning was really great on her, and it showed a whole other side to her. I am not even going into the judges opinion—let’s just say it wasn’t at all on par with the performance. I hope Lil makes it past this week and gets to keep doing inventive stuff like this that is much more truly her than the Mary J. wannabe they are trying to create. You know what, she is definitely verging on Yeah for me. Woo!

On to….YEAH!

Anoop “do you have anything else to wear that isn’t from the college bookstore?” Desai: Boy, he gave me goosebumps last night with “Everything I Do”. He did everything RIGHT. Gave heart and soul, and even started sweating on his ‘stache with effort. Quentin instructed him to growl a little, much to our enjoyment, and he kicked it into gear as the song developed. And that’s the key—he made the song have a crescendo, something he could teach to a few of his colleagues. Very happy with him.

AND FINALLY...

KRIS “You made me run around the house like a maniac with your song choice and awesomeness” ALLEN!: I once told Ashley and Trevor that I believe Madonna is a genius [Editor's note: A statement that led to relentless mocking for years, mostly due to the incredible stress placed on the word: GENIUS]. Last night, by choosing “Falling Slowly” from 'Once,' Kris stepped into that musical genius realm that I reserve for artists that make awesome choices. First of all, it fits him. Second of all, it may not be well known, but it is a truly difficult vocal to perform. Don’t believe me? Try to sing that song and hit every note on pitch. It’s hard. Third, it’s romantic. Fourth, he is amazing!!! Okay, sorry, I will look at my notes and see true commentary, not just my silly reactions. Quentin said that Kris is “living up to the spirit of the competition” and “playing with the casino’s money” which are both awesome things to say. I thought that the key was a little too low in the beginning, but at the first chorus everything got adjusted. Randy and Kara didn’t totally glob on, but who really cares about them. It was a great choice, performance, and HE WAS AMAZING!!!

Hugs and kisses and lots of Glen Hansard’s deep sexy voice,
Jessica

Top 8: And that's why I love you....

Guest commentary from She-Who-Used-to-be-Idol-Fan-Numero-Uno.

Am I alone in questioning whether or not I want to dedicate so much of my time and energy to this show anymore? As I lay restless in bed last night, I was unable to figure out why I wasn’t falling asleep easily, why the hour-long (oh wait, it was actually longer if you wanted to see Adam’s performance!) show didn’t leave me satisfied and happy with the future of these select contestants and the often annoying, mostly ridiculous fools that we call judges. Like in the old days, where Chris Richardson crooning with a slight Southern twang could float me away on a dreamy cloudy pillow for 8+ hours of contentment, knowing that I could count on him being there to entertain me again the next week. Anyway, the result-- I have used last night’s show as a testing ground for my new theory: that American Idol is becoming a complete waste of time.

Hypothesis:

All the judges have no idea who they are supposed to be, so I can no longer take them seriously as judges of someone else’s talent and image.

Evidence:

• Last night Randy told Kris, “YOU are in the competition, not the SONG.” SINCE WHEN?!!?! As far as I have been tracking, song choice has been everyone’s biggest point of debate this season, and suddenly we are supposed to disregard it.
• I’m sure almost all of you have joined me in questioning Kara’s credibility and opinion on virtually everything. Her recent behavior has led to a confrontation with Megan’s brother, and from last night’s show, the strange discussion of Anoop’s supposed attitude that yielded an apology (which Simon did not approve of). She is getting under everyone’s skin, and not because she is providing criticism that people don’t agree with, but because she adds nothing to the show, which is sad as she could have become the resident expert on what makes a good recording artist.
• Paula has become the most reasonable judge. This should never be. She is throwing around terms like chord substitution. Something is cosmically altered. I knew I was feeling slightly off-kilter as I brushed my teeth last night.
• Simon. Has. Completely. Checked. Out.

Suggestions:

• Please drop the use of the following terms: “singing competition”, “package artist”, “vocals”, and “standing ovation”. (The latter should never be said, just done?)
• Go back to down the line judging—start with Randy and end with Simon.
• Don’t continue spending so much camera time on the judges—no more watching them walk in, asking who’s going home, talking about the Judges’ Save—focus on the contestants. I am still shocked about how little I know about each of them! My total knowledge: Anoop is an only child. Adam’s dad is super cute. Danny is the ham of his family. Allison’s family was unfairly subtitled in the past, but not last night. Kris wanted to be a cab driver. That’s it. I should be forming permanent relationships with people’s moms and knowing the patterns of their couches by the top 8!

In addition to my hypothesis that explains the slow downturn of the show, I created a pro and con list to help me better explore my feelings.

Pros/Cons of watching AI Season 8:

• Pro: I look forward to fresh performances of songs
• Con: Blind-y keeps singing power ballads that absolutely suck, and America keeps pitying him and voting for him despite the true lack of pleasing notes sung
• Pro: It’s amusing to watch the group numbers and see them pulverize pop music
• Con: Song choice is constantly criticized yet greatly out of the contestant’s control
• Pro: Phil Stacey returned in last night’s audience—maybe you saw the robotic bald man in the beginning?
• Con: Matt Giraud (crowned by Melissa, Aimee, Robin and I as a Typical Boston Asshole [even though he’s not from here, he fits the part and would normally be the type that approaches you after the Sox game at Game On! after too many Jaeger-bombs]) seems like he may be around for awhile, despite his tight pants and so-so performing.
• Pro: The first useful criticism of the year came last night regarding Lil—all the judges actually warned her in a way that could prove useful. Maybe there will be more of that as we move into the top contestants?
• Con: The judges or producers have their favorites: Adam, Danny, and Matt, and are leaving little room for Allison and Kris to succeed by KILLING them with weird arrangements and comments about being only “likeable” or “cute” or “good” and not “AMAZING”, “AWESOME”, or “two words, STANDING OVATION” like their faves.
• Pro: Paula saying, “magical” and “rainbow” repeatedly
• Con: Anything Kara or Randy says anymore
• Pro: I still think it’s a great platform for an emerging artist
• Con: Sadly, the show is becoming not at all about the singers

It’s sad. I want to be in love with it. On Monday night, I was wishing Idol was on. I want to love them all! I want to be moved to vote for everyone! Let’s hope that things take a turn for the better soon, starting with a surprise reversal of the decision to send Alexis home. That would also help.

In closing, it is my theory that soon enough most Americans will join me in disdain of celebrity hogging, overpaid jerks that don’t really mold or shape future Idols (not artists or talents, we’re talking about POP STARS) through their critique. It’s time to take a step back, RKPS, and allow the contestants to speak for themselves. I’m going to give you one more week to improve, if I see no change, expect an angry letter in this forum.

Sincerely,
Jessica
A Fan Since Season 5 and Someone That Really Likes To Share Her Feelings About “Singing Competitions”

Cheers to that

Ever notice how repetitive ‘American Idol’ can get? How could you not? Use the predictability to your benefit with this totally non-sanctioned, not-patented American Idol drinking game:

• Drink at any mention of a past ‘American Idol’ contestant.
• Take 2 drinks at the mention of a past ‘American Idol’ winner.
• Drink when a judge says the words “I like you” during his/her critique.
• Drink when Ryan is shown in the audience.
• Take a half-drink when Paula gives someone a standing ovation.
• Drink when Simon critiques someone’s outfit.
• Drink when the mentor is shown live in the audience.
  
• Drink when someone is called the best of the night.
  
• Drink when a contestant plays an instrument.
• Drink when a contestant is placed on the stage in a somehow unique way (On the ground, in the crowd, etc.).
• Drink when a contestant’s family and loved ones are shown.
• Take a half-drink when song choice is critiqued.
• Drink any time Ryan tries to incite a fight between Simon & Paula or Simon & himself.
• Drink when you see a fan-made sign.
• Drink again when a fan-made sign has a pun on it.
• Drink when Randy mentions one of the “greats” – Whitney Houston, Stevie Wonder, etc.
• Drink every time the words “this competition” are said.
• Drink every time some kind of promotion or sponsorship is mentioned (iTunes, Ford, etc.)

We’ve never ever officially done the drinking game throughout a whole show of ‘American Idol’ – we’re often too busy recognizing other rules to add to the list – so this might need some tweaking to make it weeknight appropriate. But if nothing else, this can be used as a handy distraction to make Kara slightly more tolerable… Have fun!

A word about Paula

This year, I’m in love with Paula Abdul. Maybe it’s just compared to Kara, who has quickly become the worst thing ever added to ‘American Idol’ (worse than Puerto Rico auditions, parent interviews and Kevin Covais combined), but Paula has been strangely coherent this season on ‘American Idol’, offering actual constructive feedback more often than rambling poetry. Bonus points for the best – if slightly awkward in its over-preparedness – comeback I expect to ever see to a particularly sassy/interruptive Simon Cowell: Pulling out a coloring book and crayons and telling him to color so she could pay attention.

But the real reason I love her is that I feel like she’s actually interested and invested in these contestants – she doesn’t relish breaking them down, and she’s consistently the only one to make an effort to go on stage and wish the departing contestant well.

Now, one more word about Kara. All she cares about is easily definable artists - that ubiquitous “package artist” label. According to her – and increasingly Randy, who, as Jessica points out, is quickly wearing out his welcome – Lil should only sing Mary J. Blige, Megan should have only sung songs by raspy voiced Brits, Matt Giraud should stick with R&B and avoid rock, while Anoop should not try R&B because that’s not “who he is.” This is why she isn't big on Adam Lambert. Since he’s from theater, he can take on the character of any song and nail it, so Kara can’t figure out what box to put him in, and that makes her uncomfortable. Notice how she always tiptoes around her critique of him – she calls him "weird" and "interesting" and "unique," but she always stops short of the praise the other judges (rightfully) bestow on his Could-Sing-the-Phone-Book talent. I'm not sure I can handle two more months of her.

Top 9: I don't know what it is but it seems she's got me twisted...

We love guest commentary (these days, it might seem more prevalent than home turf commentary!):

I’m referring, of course to Kara DioGuardi. Some factoids ripped from her Wiki:

• She is of Albanian and Italian descent.
• SHE IS A COUSIN OF REGIS PHILBIN!!!?!?!
• She has worked with Celine Dion, David Archuleta, Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Leona Lewis, Ashley Tisdale, P!nk, Kylie Minogue, Britney Spears and Paula Abdul.

Some factoids ripped from my brain about Kara:

• She is the perfect mix of uselessness and irritation.
• She is like the lovechild of Randy and Paula: extremely mild and unwilling to offend, yet with none of joys of Paula’s poetry.
• She may have the background to be qualified as a judge, but she sure as hell isn’t proving to be interesting enough as one.

Moving on to a new rant: Randy. Dude, you know, you’re kind-of just alright for me anymore. I mean, I know you make some interesting style choices and are representing a lot of people’s opinions (in never giving a meaningful one on anything), but I am just not feeling you so much. WHAT HAPPENED?! You used to get excited! You used to scream and whoop and yell words like, “Hot!”, “Dawg!”, and “Hotdog!”. I miss your personality. Did Kara steal it from you and mix in the part of Paula’s that was sucked out to make her cheekbones more exaggerated?

Okay, enough. For now. Paula and Simon are annoying the heck out of me too, but that would be at least five more paragraphs and it’s time to move on to last night’s business: Songs that are popular downloads on iTunes. My question: How popular do they need to be? I was looking for a little more clarity there, as I’m sure many of you were. I did like the visit of the contestants to Ryan’s radio show—I give him a listen every now and then, and definitely appreciate him as a disc jockey (He’s might be losing his flair as the host, but again, I won’t be sidetracked.). Let me just insert that I love Top 40 music, not because pop changes my life in any way, but because I like to stay connected to what’s popular and Casey Kasem’s voice always made me feel like I was dipping a spoon into a fresh bowl of chocolate mousse. Plus, we all have to support someone who supported 'Saved By the Bell', right?

Anoop started the show with a shouty and echoey “Caught Up” by Usher. I heart Usher and I don’t know, guys. Does it bother anyone else how Anoop looks so angry when he sings? During judging, the word “vocals” was used 7 times and during Anoop’s rebuttal he said “opinion” about 5 or 6 times. That’s all I got. After the break, Megan over-Winehoused “Turn Your Lights Down Low” but ended it beautifully—I just could cling to the last notes forever. It seemed like the women were actually giving her constructive criticism, but the men just criticized. We’ll see where Megan Joy (OMG I can’t even deal with THAT) falls—I’m betting on bottom three. Danny decided he “wanted to tone it down this week” so he sang “What Hurts the Most” (a song I can’t stand) by Rascal Flatts (men that look like fools). It was good, but I don’t really care? The judges went insane with praise and Danny shared that “when you got a heart” you must share it. Allison, dressed as Barbie of Barbie and the Rockers, did “her” version of 'Don’t Speak', and it was individualistic. Don’t take that as a compliment from me. The judges did all they could not to praise her because she is turning into a front runner and I think they want to knock her down a peg, so they only focused on her outfit and not the performance. Scott came out next and elicited a mental Ay! Ay! AY! from me (my favorite phrase from my trip to Puerto Rico) with his performance of 'Just the Way You Are' by B.J. [Editor's Note: Billy Joel is the absolute best. As Robin stated at my house last night, “It was definitely good, but the mullet is really distracting.” I agree wholeheartedly—they trimmed the sides but not the back? The text from a letter I overnighted to the studio today:

Dear American Idol Stylists, It is a cruel joke to give an Indian teen a Mohawk. It is a travesty to give a 21 year old mom pink hair. But it is to hell that you are bound when you give a blind man a mullet. Love, Jessica

Matt stood in the weirdest arrangement yet on Idol (and I am counting Kat McPhee’s barefoot sitting with congo drummer) at his keyboard surrounded by fans singsing the Fray’s “You Found Me”. I can’t stop disliking this dude. He dresses horribly, sings raspily (not a word) and CREEPS me out. I feel like he’s got a sketchy past—I can’t wait until something comes out about him. The performance: interesting but meh. Lil, clad in the wig of the week, brought her kids this week to see her sing “I Surrender” and she had to when the judges came down kinda hard on her. Her daughter volunteered to punch Randy on her behalf, but upon arrival just ended up in the most adorable hug. This endeared me enough to Randy to let him by with only minor insults this week. Still a warning: Bring back your personality, dawg. Moving on to…

Adam. Play That Funky Music. Crazy tongue. Insane dancing. Lots of falsetto riffing. Comparisons to Steven Tyler and Mick Jagger. Is that enough? It was insane-o yet again, but masterful? He will be just fine and I even think he’s gonna win, but I don’t know if I can actually embrace that! It’s just all soooo dramatic. Not that a musician shouldn’t be somewhat spectacular in the unique way he is. I don’t know. He needs to win me over. Like…..Kris has. Sigh. Even with what I refer to as a “grit-stache” he is so dreeeeeeeamy. Really putting his heart into “Ain’t No Sunshine”, he gave his definite best performance so far, and moved into what I would consider a more serious realm, not just a poppy sweetheart guy like Gavin DeGraw or David Archuleta. I of course fell asleep with happy dreams of him leaving his wife and taking me on the Idol tour with him this summer.

So—who’s in trouble? I think Anoop, Megan, Matt, and Lil are going to be among the lower vote-getters this time around. Good luck in the pool and more tomorrow with results!

Love and fake hair and LIVE! With Regis!,
Jessica

Guest Commentary: AI, Top 10

Guest commentary from Jessica on this week's episode. I have editorialized by adding in YouTube clips of my own personal favorites.

Top 10. You'll just have to wait...for more talent to come along. Maybe next week!

Wasn't last night's show--Motown Night-- extremely dull for something with so much potential? After waiting an extra day for the performances, I was really hoping that last night would make up for my overall sadness with Alexis leaving. What are the Idol producers thinking?

Anyway, we all know about the "treasure trove" of great Motown hits that these guys had to choose from...and still, the biggest critique was song choice. I've had it! Enough! This should be the last complaint of the judges, because it is something they have control over. Why don't we have a judges pick week just so we don't have to hear that any more?

• So, the night started with Matt "I haven't shaved in a week and a half and it makes me feel sexier than I am" Giraud. He chose the classic "Let's Get It On" and I have to say, "No thanks." His pace was boring and his jeans were so tight...I don't know who dressed him! The judges dug him – I didn’t.
• Kris "My wife is cute as a button" Allen chose to blow Smokey Robinson away with "How Sweet It Is" and I liked it, of course, but what was his awful shirt? The performance was a little corny but the judges loved it, overall. Simon asked him for more confidence and attitude – I would like a different shirt. :)
  
  
  
  
• Scott "I am not singing a ballad" took a different approach with having the backup singers come close and going up-tempo. I thought it was cheeeeesy. The judges were eh, too. He just needs to go! I love how he said, "I am single right now," and everyone just glossed over it. Yipes! Pink pants!
• Megan "Joy" Corkrey (enough with that!) sang "For Once in My Life" and it was so blarghy blah blah I can't even comment. What happened, Meggie? You were much too low and don't seem to know how to use "your instrument." The judges said blah too...I think you'll get through on your looks, this time!
• Anoop gave a kind-of boring performance of "Ooh, Baby, Baby" with tons of falsetto. The judges took this chance to give him lots of different advice none of which I found important enough to remember....sooo.....he'll be fine.
• Michael "Something is going on with his bite" Sarver sang "Ain't Too Proud To Beg" and my notes were murhhhrgh. Simon thought he was shouting and Paula referred to a Vegas Lounge Act...but no worries! Michael is "just havin' a blast!" Who cares! Since when do I care whether or not the contestants are having fun? I want them to be stressed, struggling, missing their families, giving their all to fulfill their dream of performing at the TD Banknorth Gardens of the world. I don't want you to be having fun! Next time someone says that...I'm gonna...well, I don't know…rant about it here!
• So, you can see how so far this show was not meeting expectations. Aside from the pink pants, not even the outfits were worth commenting on. This is not what I expect. I expect costumes of Dreamgirls caliber! And here it is...Lil "Love my new hair" Rounds! She came out dressed in CHARACTER, which is what I want to see! I had really high expectations of her "Heatwave," but the key was weird. She looked great though, and she knows she's a good singer? (Is that what this has come to?) Ugh!
• Adam "I borrowed Ken's outfit and hair for tonight" Lambert did Smokey's own "Tracks of My Tears" and it was good. Finally. The judges dubbed it the best performance, and I would have to agree for tonight. At least it was interesting!
  
  
  
  
• Danny "I am great at choreography" Gokey pulled off a good performance...I think it was solid. The judges shafted him by cutting his critique short, but it was typical for him and entertaining in that highstrung way he has. Melissa and I especially enjoyed how he ignored Smokey's advice in the beginning! Ha!
• Finally, Allison "I'm only sixteen" Iraheta got lots of love from the judges for "Papa Was a Rolling Stone." She managed to keep her lyrics together in the performance and everyone loved her. Cute!

For a show with a lot of potential, I was semi-bored the whole time. Key causes:

1. The show is two hours: Give me more substance! Interviews about contestants, insights into their personalities, anything – I know nothing about these guys! Cut time from judging!
2. Enough critique of song choice. The point is that they should be able to sing anything. That is no longer going to fly with me.
3. My wisdom teeth were removed on Monday and I have been on drugs this whole time. Ha!

Let's hope this all improves for next week!

Top 11: You were always on my mind!

The guest commentary continues with Jessica's take on last night's Top 11 performances on American Idol.

Last night’s Idol pushed me to make a few firm decisions:

1. There are many country songs I just luuuu-uuuv. (Two syllables.)
2. I miss the Idol format of yore, when the mentor served as a guest judge.
3. I could be a better judge than last night’s Randy, Kara, Paula, or Simon. They all performed miserably.
4. There are certain contestants I don’t give a what about.

To elaborate:

That’s right, I love country.

Maybe cuz back in West Virginia, it permeates the atmosphere so much more. But hearing some of my favorite Garth Brooks or Dolly songs, I was really glad that they did the Opry week. There is nothing more miserable than those people that say they “just hate all country” music. I feel like people just say that because they don’t like certain singers or groups. They should be exposed in this cheap way to more country music. In other news--I would like to assert that Carrie Underwood may be having an impact on modern country, but seeing that it was Opry night I was disappointed in the lack of variety that the program offered. Why wasn’t each song by a different artist? Or more contemporary artists like Brad Paisley, Keith Urban, Darius Rucker (that’s right, Hootie), or Sugarland represented? Or more well known classics by George Jones, Reba McEntire, or Faith Hill picked because those are the songs people really get into? With song choice becoming the judges favorite thing to pick on besides the tightness of a contestant’s pants, I’m really beginning to wonder who the Puppetmaster is that is pulling some strings and cutting others—and is responsible for THREE artists getting TWO of their songs picked. When we are talking about HUNDREDS of country musicians over the years.

Whew. Anyway…to make a long story short: Carrie Underwood is Overrated. At least give a nod!

Last night made me sad for Randy Travis.

Why didn’t anyone sing one of his songs? In the old days, the mentors were a judge too, and now that’s just been pushed into a little pre-performance video package that actually doesn’t matter at all. And the actual judges never even deign to mention this mentorship. In the past, the mentor/judges were always overly gracious, but also perfect candidates for hilarity and entertainment value! Imagine these artists trying to remain tactful and polite when really on the spot—I would have loved to see R. Travis truly grade the performances. Let’s have 50 Cent, or Katie Perry, or Pete Wentz come on as a guest judge. They’d be bound to be amusing, at least. Which leads me to my next point…

Enough with the fake fighting and banter, I’m done with it.

Last night, the judges were ridiculous. They added NOTHING to the show. They didn’t help me form opinions. Let me charm you with some direct quotes…

“You could sing the alphabet well.” –Kara to Allison

“Tender moments from my dawg Kris.” –Randy

“You’re like someone singing at a wedding..” –Simon to “Little”

“Hot! Crazy! Unbelievable!”—Randy to Scott (!!?!?!!!?)

“More effective…” –Paula to Alexis

“Artists…” –Kara

“Artists like you” –Paula

“blah blah blah artists blah” –Paula

“A true artist” –Kara

“Artist shmartist” –Jessica

“You did it!” –Kara

“You should have flu every week.” –Simon to Megan

“What I applaud you most is your honesty, authenticity, how you are a true artist…” –Paula to Matt

“Mad skilz” –Randy

THESE FOOLS? You are looking to them to help you, America? I can do soooo much better! These people don’t even speak proper English! (Not that I always do, but you see, that’s because I am trying to get you to understand my oral colloquialisms, pacing, enunciation, and word choice through the written word, which is quite difficult sometimes. I mean, how can I use words to express how flabbergasted I am by the idiocy Simon and Paula exhibit as they grab each other constantly, fighting like five-year-olds? It’s tough.) Okay, so anyway, like I was saying, allow me to tell you what I thought.

Which brings me to…I don’t give a damn, I don’t give a what.

Michael: Good performance of a fun song, but you were a little mumble-y. You didn’t get to express your full voice with the song, but I think you should be okay this week. And please, don’t say that “you had fun”. I hate that. And don’t be so sassy back to me when I judge you. Despite the success of the Osbournes, America doesn’t really appreciate sassy.

Allison: You surprised me. Nice way to edge a little bit away from pure Barbie and the Rockers style music. I loved your look, it was age appropriate, and you didn’t take the song lyrics overly seriously, which is good because you’re talking about one of country’s famous subjects, which no 16 y.o. should know too much about—the lyin’ cheatin’ two timin’ double dealin' heart.

Kris: Swwoooooooooooooooon. Swooony swoon swoon sigh. Mmmm mmmm yummy nibbles. Swwoooon. Great song. Can I record the duet with you?

Lil: Oopsy daisy, girl. I find it adorable that you said, “Leeks” for “licks, but the song was not so good. You still put too much R&B flavor in it, and it’s just not that believable. I could picture it in the beginning, wich, by the way, the judges said was the worst part, but I thought was the best. We know you can sing though. I just think it wasn’t enough impact.

Adam: What the hell?!? Sorry, Ashley, I know you want me to be supportive, but it was weeeeeirrrrrd. The crowd LOVED it, but I just thought it was super creepy and was totally skeeved out by you. I think he sexualized a song that isn’t, and even though I like new arrangements and all that, he should have stuck with the original. His voice is unique enough, he doesn’t have to go to all the theatrics all the time. Talk about someone that needs to do something vulnerable.

Scott: I seriously don’t give. Ashley and Trevor suggested I write something down in my notes. Here they are: Jacket=same as Allison’s. Hair=better. Piano playing=gifted performer with his instrument. Jessica=bored.

Alexis: Maybe not your best night, but minus the boobs, you looked just like Dolly, even if you didn’t sing like her. You’ll be fine!

Danny: Sooooooo turned off by that song “Jesus Take the Wheel”. Blah blah blah. Dressed like Benjamin Linus to turn the Donkey Wheel. Don’t give a what.

Anoooooop!: Everyone has to say your name that way. You might as well have it legally changed. Include the exclamation! You did gr8. 4 sum reason I rlly want 2 write ur entry in txt speak just so I can say u sang, “u were alwayz on my mind”. I know, it’s a weird thing. NEwayz, gr8 job! U r 2 cool.

Megan: woooooowza, honey! You got away with MURDER this week. Can I say, I totally guessed that’s what you were going to sing? I knew it! Everyone else was really nice to you because you have Influenza B, but I think you did too much affectation with your voice and should have chosen a higher key to start in. You should have been sweeter—the song lyrics would have been more believable. Maybe you should have channeled your ex-love for your ex-husband to help you imagine what it’s like to “see a weeping willow, crying on his pillow”?

Matt: I wrote “DEAD TO ME” in my notes. You interpret.

Sooo….I hope I am right and Scott goes home tonight, after I watch my love (and Kimberly Williams’) Brad Paisley tonight and suffer through what is sure to be some horrible group number (Predictions? Before He Cheats? Something by Randy Travis maybe?) and an equally poor production that is meant to be a Ford commercial. Until then!

Lots of love and leather jackets and spurs,
Jessica

TV nuggets

I’m not going to wax on long about ‘American Idol’ since guest commentary is pending; I just want to say a word about pools, and how they lead to such emotional conflict. Take Anoop, for example. I have him getting kicked off this week, because of how far he fell in the judges’ esteem last week with ‘Beat It,’ and because I just wasn’t sure how Grand Ole Opry would translate on him. But I love him, and the judges were right – his performance last night was among the best. Conflict, I tell you.

So you can keep me honest, here are my official AI pool predictions, as submitted yesterday (The person listed with each corresponding week marks the person I’m predicting gets kicked off):

• Week 11: Anoop
• Week 10: Megan Joy
• Week 9: Michael
• Week 8: Scott
• Week 7: Allison
• Week 6: Matt
• Week 5: Alexis
• Week 4: Kris
• Week 3: Lil
• Runner Up: Danny
• Winner: Adam

Dare I say Alexis and Lil are really in danger after last night? But I’m confident that if either of them gets booted by the popular vote, the judges will save them. According to our pool rules, that will give us the chance to rearrange out predictions. One week in? Yeesh.

In other television news – the CW had me wait 6 weeks for a new ‘Gossip Girl’ for that crap? (Note to show’s writers: Chuck is best when interacting with people we know. Weird high class hooker with out a heart of gold? Not so much.) It feels like 6 weeks since the last ‘Lost’ even if it just missed last week. Looking forward to seeing what Paul Giamatti’s doppelganger has in store for the (Um, major spoiler alert!) newly returned Oceanic 6.

Guest Commentary: American Idol, Top 13

Today, Jessica takes over the reigns for 'American Idol' commentary. I will restrain myself as much as possible from inserting my own thoughts, and when it can't be helped, it will be marked with a very convenient [Editor's Note:]. Without further adieu...

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwn…oops! Hello, and we’re back with the American Idol Top 13! (Pan across image of nervous contestants doing over-the-top grinning and gesturing at the camera…)

Here they are folks! After a LONG road to Hollywood/the Big Stage/Top 13/when-America-realizes-the-new-season-has-started, we finally get the chance to get some more info on these ingénues and see how they react to the setting.

For those of you that haven’t been watching, get ready. This week is like the scouting week—starting tomorrow after we get the results, I’ll send out the details of the pool for you to send in your picks. Until then…here’s my little recapitulation of last night’s demonstration.

Below are the top four (why four? I dunno) facts that you need to know about these guys. Here’s a picture to follow along:

Front to back, left to right: Megan, Jasmine, Danny, Alexis, Kris, Michael, Adam, Allison, Jorge, Matt, Lil, Anoop, and Scott. In their performance order from last night’s show:

Lil Rounds:

• Comes from a place that loves music & barbecue (tell me, where isn’t that?)
• Survived a tornado, similar to Dorothy, which may be the inspiration for her high-waisted, pleated, white pants (something a farm girl might wear to a picnic)
• Doesn’t realize her name is ridiculous
• Gave a decent performance of 'The Way You Make Me Feel,' but didn’t “blow it up” like she has every other time. Performed best at the end of the song, but I forgot it after the commercial break!

Scott MacIntyre:

• Is the only person that enjoys learning obscure Michael Jackson ballads on the piano
• Is blind. Okay, we get it.
• Appears to be magical, according to Paula.
• Raises some unique questions about how much hair gel one should use when you can’t see your hair. Do you judge by feel? Avoid the super crispy to the touch?

Danny Gokey:

• Has a family that sings everything. Something I’ve wished for many times in my life, if only my older sister could carry a tune.
• Must have a secret endorsement deal with LensCrafters
• Can really sing. Even though I don’t want to love him, he’s wearing me down!
• Chose PYT for his song. AWESOME.

Michael Sarver:

• WORKS ON AN OIL RIG.
• His performance made Simon use the words, “You brought passion, heart, and gave it 110%.” WHA?!?!
• Gives the vibe of an R&B swagger to Randy
• Was boring.

Jasmine Murray:

• Is from Mississippi. (MAN, that is fun to type!)
• Has a lot of sisters.
• This is her whole story.
• At least the arrangement they did of “I’ll Be There” included HARPSICHORD!!! Awesome!

Kris Allen:

• He is my insta-crush this year. I swooned. I CAN’T HELP IT, people. I am wired to love it. You can ask Ashley—even though I criticized his shirt during the opening, when he came out with his guitar and smile and sang a sassy version of “Remember the Time” I immediately got a little goony eyed and started thinking about Elliott Yamin, Chris Richardson, Jason Castro, and the amazing lovefest we could all have if only Kris makes it another week…
• He’s married to a really cute little wife? Hmph.
• Paula called him “kinda-adorable-sexy”. One word.
• I HATE this spelling of Chris and may actually have to change it in future recaps. Which there will be. Because I voted for him like 16 times last night. Sigh…..

Allison Iraheta:

• Sings for fun at a giant furniture clearance warehouse???
• I’m over her.
• Done with it.
• Aliwhaaaa? Blah, blah, she’s 16, she’ll be around. Gina-Glocksen wannabe!

Anoop Desai:

• Only child.
• Dressed like Blake Lewis. (Not a bad thing).
• Got a hair cut.
• Sang Beat It and the judges were PISSED. No idea why, I thought it was good!

Jorge Nunez:

• Oh, my friend. Lucky you got Puerto Rico on your side!
• He’s really sweet and cute and loves to sing! And thinned out his eyebrows!
• At least ended his boring performance with a sassy conclusion!
• Hmmm…my notes end because I was distracted by talking about the possibility of bracelet or three-quarters length sleeves on blazers for men… due to Jorge’s pushed up sleeves, I guess….

Megan Corkrey:

• Okay, she sang the worst song (“Rockin Robin”). But wasn’t it like to be cute, or screw the judges, or because she could funkify it? I caaaaaan’t help, lovin’ that Meg o’ mine…
• Tattoo arm is KILLING me. Wear sleeves.
• You are a horrible dancer.
• Your mom=HOT.

Adam Lambert:

• His performance merited an instant replay. To see if it was as good as the judges thought. (Editor's note: It was.)
• THEeeAteerrrrrrr!
• He did this awesome little version of the moonwalk that was more like a chicken walking backwards and pecking out his head…I loved it!
• 'Black & White'- not my fave MJ song. Burmpt.
  

Matt Giraud:

• Again with these songs…CHOOSE SOMETHING WE KNOW.
• I can’t help but feel that he is trying really hard to be Justin Timberlake, and although it’s probably true that you can never get too much T-Lake, I somehow feel that I don’t want it from this guy.
• Simon said something about his performance being meat and potatoes, which made me think about meat and potatoes. I give him a ham-steak and scalloped rating.
• Kara should just sleep with this guy. She loves him so much.

Alexis Grace:

• Her song choice of 'Dirty Diana' was completely right!
• I am NOT INTO PINK HAIRRRRR—can I say it one more time?!
• Simon doesn’t want to boost her ego just yet.
• She forces her little daughter to repeat things she says, which is awesome. I would have made her say, “mommy, don’t wear onesies on tv”.

So, anyway—tonight two go home and my picks for the bottom are: Scott, Michael, Jasmine, and Allison. Prove me wrong, America! Ha.

A special announcement

For the last three years, my dear friend/confidante/trashy TV co-conspirator Jessica has been entertaining the steadily growing masses with her American Idol commentary. She diligently follows up each performance show with whatever is called for – be that haikus, fashion commentary or a good ol’ fashioned rant about how stupidly unfair Simon was.

With the Top 13 kicking off tonight, I’m pleased to announce that Jessica will officially be syndicated here on Rockin’ to the Gentle Beat (R2GB?) for Day After commentary. Welcome her warmly, read her loyally, and, most importantly, if you disagree with her, make sure to send the mean comments directly to her at orndorffATalum.bu.edu.

Yours in AI spirit,
Ashley

The final 12

I don't know, dawg. This is a weird night for me. Oh, I'm sorry - I couldn't help but channel Randy Jackson for a second there. Last night was the final performances of the Top 36, and it's a tough one to call.

First off, it’s official. I hate Kara. I’m sorry, Neil Patrick Harris, I saw you on Ellen when you were talking about you two are very good friends, but I just can’t do it. She can never remember she has a mic in front of her (enough with the pounding on the table and immediate commentary that we’re not supposed to hear!), and she repeats herself – and the other judges – constantly. Done.

Now, onto the performances. Pretty weak showing from the girls, huh?

Von Smith: Good that you took advice from Simon. Bad that you wore that awful suit (photo to follow as soon as I can find it). Decent performance, too bad you had to go first.

Taylor Vaifanua: I can’t even remember you this morning, but from my notes I remember that you’re a crier, and I like that about you.

Alex Wagner-Trugman: I love that you’re a smart ass. As Trevor said, “It's so weird that he can sing” – he’s kind of like Anoop in that way, where you really don’t expect that voice to come out of him. Aside from the growling thing, I thought the performance was actually pretty good, but I might have been distracted by Trevor, who was making some kind of argument about how he didn't hate Taylor Hicks that much, he just hated the Soul Patrol people, which is just not true. In any case, the crowd loved Alex and he's my dark horse prediction for this week (because that turned out so well for me last week?)

Arianna Afsar: She who doesn't want to be known for being "cute as a button" sang the first ever ABBA song on 'American Idol.' I have no idea how that's possible, but that was the only thing remarkable about her peformance.

Ju'not Joyner: Even though you sang ‘Hey There Deliliah’ (I just got this freaking song out of my head after all the Hollywood Week performances of it!), I liked this. You are very likable, your son is pretty much the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, and I liked the slower rhythm (could there be a harder word to spell?) of the song. I'm rooting for you, big time.

Kristen McNamara: There’s little I can say to expand on my notes from last night: “She was on Next Country Star or whatever. She is whiny and annoying. Your old hair was better – what are these bangs? I hate you. You're plastic and I feel like you're the most fake person in the world. Note how no one is dancing for her.” Pretty much sums it up. Goodbye.

Nathaniel Marshall: For some reason, he elected to sing Meatloaf’s ‘I Would Do Anything for Love,’ a song half the people watching associate with a Dr. Pepper commercial, so that’s an interesting choice. Listen, you’re better than I wanted you to be, but, on behalf of all the flamboyant, tattooed, prone to drama boys I've ever known, I'm insulted by your headband and your dancing. (Speaking of headbands: RANDY. For the love of GOD. ‘Physical’ is by OLIVIA NEWTON-John, not Elton John. I cannot believe no one is correcting you on this!)

Felicia Barton: She’s the contestant who was called back after Joanna Pacitti was disqualified, and she stepped up, singing the second Alicia Keys song of the night. Even though she did nothing original with it, I think she did enough to earn a Wild Card berth from the judges. The highlight, however, was how thrilled Paula was that she was able to talk about “the universe” with someone (As in: "Felicia, isn't it funny how the universe works? You know? Everything happens for a reason.")

Scott MacIntyre: Even moreso than with Danny Gokey (he of the recently deceased wife), the judges are going to tiptoe around this contestant, who is blind. They can’t say anything about his outfit or hair, or encourage him to dance/have more stage presence, because he can’t see. On that note, I wonder if he is less nervous, because he can't see everyone? Is that a tacky question? The performance itself was pretty good, and you could almost feel the collective hope of the rest of the performing guys deflate.

Kendall Beard: She’s the other blonde one.

Jorge Nunez: It was just an Elton John kind of night. Paula & Kara had made him so paranoid about his accent, you could visibly see him concentrating – that left little room for an actual performance, but the vocal was good. I am forever grateful to Simon for pointing out that there is more than "American" accents in the world, and that Spanish performers can actually be - gasp! - successful! My second favorite Paula quote of the night: “God, I just want to squeeze you.”

Lil Rounds: Tonight’s Producer’s Pet played it pretty safe (She couldn’t be oblivious to the fact that she was performing last, a prime spot bestowed upon early favorites who have sailed through in the first 2 rounds.), but she blew all the other girls out of the water, no question. Trevor: Nice beat. Ashley: Nice dress.

Let’s make some predictions: I think Lil Rounds and Scott MacIntyre will snatch up the gender-specific slots. I’m really not sure about that last one, but I’m willing to bet it goes to Ju’not Joyner or Alex Wagner-Trugman, leaving it up to the judges to put Jorge Nunez, Felicia Barton, Nathaniel Marshall and maybe Von Smith through to the Wild Card round.

Praise be, by the end of this week, we’ll have our Top 12 and the competition can really heat up. Stay tuned for guest commentary and rules to the American Idol drinking game.

Oh American Idol.

As we were introduced to the judges last night, I was thrilled to see they’ve gone back to the proper seating order. Randy – boasting new, weirdly square, glasses – on the left, because he goes first. Except, no! This show they’re trying something new out – a different judge goes first after each performance. Interesting. I love Simon going first. None of this hemming and hawing and asking them how they thought they did. Just: “Well. That was terrible.” My favorite Paula-ism for the night: “You bring what you brought.”

I had been digging the 4-person panel so far this season, but new judge Kara really rubbed me the wrong way last night. In early rounds when the judging was more like a conversation, it seemed like she had something to contribute. Now, with each judge having 30 seconds to talk, it feels incredibly unnecessary. Especially when they all just echo one another. With that in mind, an open letter:

Dear Judges & Producers,

Here’s a suggestion, from all of us sick of hearing the constant chorus of “That wasn’t the right song for you” (Randy variation: “I don’t know, dawg, that song. For you, for me, that just wasn’t it. I don’t know.”):

HELP THEM CHOOSE THEIR SONGS!!!

Then maybe you can spend some time actually critiquing performances, instead of something that was a moot point days ago when they chose the song.

Thanks,
Ashley

Oh, this show isn’t all about the judges? Okay, let’s get into the “performances.” Last night, the second group of 12 took the stage, battling it out for three tickets into the Top 12. And, by and large, they sucked.

Jasmine Murray, the promising 16 year-old with a million shrieking sisters, took her song too low, but she had to go first and I’ll cut her some slack. Plus, I loved her earrings. (Should I share taste with a 16 year-old?)

Matt Giraud, the dueling piano singer, kind of looks like Joey McIntyre. IE: The best member of NKOTB.

Jeanine Vailes: Like Ricky Braddy last week, this was the first of your screentime. And likely your last.

Norman Gentle. I refuse to talk about you.

Allison Iraheta. Your performance was great. Your interview was painful. You’re just so…16. And, man oh man, will you ever regret that hair in 10 years (Trust me).

Kris Allen. The girls should love you if they’re not bored by you. Solid performance, personable interview. I liked you even more when you were the only one doing the Supportive Dancing during Welder Matt’s karaoke performance.

Megan Joy Corkrey. Why on earth were you wearing white tights with that dress? You certainly need to work on your stage presence, but you’re through to the next round for sure. You remind me of Reese Witherspoon. Ditch the attitude and borrow some of her bubbliness, and people will love you long time.



I have very little memory of the next three performances – Matt, Jesse and Kai. In fact, I just had to think long and hard about whether Jesse was a boy or a girl. She was a girl. She barely made it to the live shows, and she’s gone now. Bla. Unfortunately, that’s how I also felt about both Welder Matt and Takes-Care-of-his-Mom-Kai. I’m in Simon’s boat for this one – like them both, but I don’t want to listen to them anymore. And, sorry guys. Roughneck Michael got the Tough Economy vote last week (Bye Matt) and, well, Kai, your mom is just sick; Danny Gokey’s wife died. (Wow. Most tasteless thing I’ve ever said. What has ‘American Idol’ done to me?)

Mishavonna went next and did a helluva lot better than the judges would have you think, even though she weirdly reminds me of Keroppi?

She’s my dark horse prediction.



Did anyone else notice that Mishavonna & Megan Joy wore the same dress in their hometown auditions?

And, rounding out the evening was this round’s Producer’s Pet, Adam Lambert.

Listen, I already went on the record that, based on what we saw before live performances, Adam Lambert was my favorite in the Top 36. But, if they keep pushing him on me, I’m going to jump quickly to the Anti side. And, dude. You need to decide who you’re going to be. Because your hair says tough rocker guy, and your song choice from last night (The Rolling Stones ‘Satisfaction’) backed you up, but the performance didn’t. Chris Daughtry (or David Cook for that matter) never would have smile-winked at the camera in the opening verse. You can sing anything, and you have 15 years of experience doing theater, so find your AI persona, and stick with it.



I have little hope that I can achieve the same kind of accuracy/luck as I had last week with my predictions, but I expect Adam & Megan (am I supposed to call her Megan or Megan Joy? Why include the Joy if you’re not supposed to use it?) are through easily. I’d throw Kris in there, but I’m hesitant to go with another 2 guys-1 girl night, but I also think that Allison is too similar to last week’s through-girl, Alexis Grace. So, I’ll go with my dark horse, Mishavonna. Allison will definitely get a wild card performance, and I bet Kris will too if the voters don’t back him up. If Mishavonna isn’t through on call in votes, she’s done.

Twelve down.

I have some thoughts about American Idol.

As you might recall, this year the Top 12 is being selected a little differently: Instead of two people being voted off each week, each week for three weeks, three people are being selected to stay.

I understand where the producers are going with this – it could make for an exciting show when each contestant knows that they can be out after one performance. Good isn’t good enough. But, I feel like the public is getting the short end of the stick here. Instead of each contestant having some time to find their footing, show us their personality and what they’re capable of – we only see them each once. But still, this isn’t my big concern about the new format.

My big concern is a little website called VoteForTheWorst.com, which is devoted to mobilizing people to vote for the worst contestant each night. Thus sticking it to the man, or making some point about Americans and their ridiculous devotion to pop culture idols, or something. Pathetic and mean-spirited are two words (with a hyphen) that come to mind. I’m concerned that the new advancing structure makes it easier for communities like this to “win,” because a limited number of people are advancing (instead of being eliminated). So instead of the real voters knowing that, even if one lame-o person (cough cough Sanjaya) is being advanced, the majority of the remaining contestants will be legit, there’s now this chance that at least 1/3 of the Top 12 will be jokes.

Am I being paranoid? Maybe. Or maybe it’s just that after watching the first 12 perform last night, I’m not sure I’m ready to give up on three-quarters of them yet.

My predictions for the advancing three:

Alexis Grace: Is there anything less authentic than being told to “dirty up” and showing up with pink hair? That kind of annoys me. I’m also not sure that “dirty” is the look that a mom should be going for, but hey – she sang the best of the girls.



Danny Gokey: Could the producers be backing him any more? Everyone needs to just take a chill pill. Robert Downey Jr. doppelganger with an apparently never-ending collection of eyeglasses is good enough, I’m just not sure he’s the second coming (get it? Because he’s a church music director?). Plain-old ballad singers (even when they’re by female artists) do not an American Idol make.



I think Anoop or Brent Keith will advance, but I wish it was Michael Sarver. I disagree with the judges – I liked him better with this upbeat song than the soulful thing, and I think it was a good choice that showed us some personality. I’m not sure about your explanation though, Mr. Roughneck: You chose to sing “I Don’t Wanna Be,” because you don’t want to be anything other than what you are…except American Idol, right?



If he doesn’t make it through on votes alone, I think Anoop Desai will get the wild card from the judges – and rightfully so. This kid could be great – if he would just get a haircut.

And now, some questions:

Why would Jackie Tohn wear Olivia Newton John pants with tennis shoes? Doesn’t Ann Marie Boskovich look like Lyla from Friday Night Lights?

Why did they use that Chris Daughtry “rocker” flame background that totally matched Tatiana’s dress? Does anyone else feel like Ryan Seacrest has gotten worse at this whole hosting/interviewing thing as the years have gone on? But, my most important question for the night is: Why on earth were Ted Danson and Neil Patrick Harris sitting next to one another??

Idle Idols

It’s omnipresent and has barely gotten started, but if you don’t want any information about 'American Idol'’s newly-announced Top 36, don’t read any further.

‘American Idol’ is many things, To go with the “A” theme from last night (By my count, 7 contestants who advanced have a first name that starts with A), let’s go with addictive and aggravating for today. Let’s review.

Judges send Jamar Rogers home (No, the video isn't supposed to move - it's just audio. Pickin's are slim on YouTube right now):



And decide to keep Norman Gentle/Nick Mitchell:



I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised – this is a show that let a debacle like Sanjaya get into the Top 8. And here I was about to be reassured that the decisions going forward are now up to the public (I'm talking to you Tatiana - she of the singing over the judges and ridiculous laugh. Really, they’re going to let that girl on live TV?).

In any case, I suppose I can let go of Jamar as we get ready to go into live performances. I feel like the girls are pretty weak this year! My early favorite is Adam Lambert. The judges - except Paula - aren't sure about him yet, but he had me at 'Wicked.'

PS: Brent Keith, you look way too much like Spencer Pratt - I'm not sure I'll be able to get over that.

Setting the bar low.

It should come as no surprise to anyone that 'American Idol' isn’t the classiest show around. In the audition rounds, the tackier and more pathetic you are, the more likely you are to get screen time. Once the talent portion actually begins, short skirts and shiny tops abound – for the ladies at least (Perhaps you remember Haley Scarnato?). No, it’s never been the finest example of respectability, but it sunk to new lows during this week’s season premieres.

Exhibit A:

On Tuesday’s season premiere, the final audition from Phoenix they showed was a nearly blind 20-ish gentleman named Scott. Already it’s hard not to feel like this kid – moderately talented vocally, will probably go up a few notches when he gets behind his piano – is being exploited (We’ll save the blind kid for last – that’ll keep people watching!). Then, once the judges pass him onto Hollywood, he emerges to the cheers of his family – and to Ryan Seacrest trying to give him a high five.

Trying to high five a blind person. It’s bad enough that this happened – Seacrest himself was visibly embarrassed at the gaffe. But the fact that the producers – who have been editing these audition segments since August, and had plenty of time to piece together a montage of three dozen people singing Bon Jovi’s ‘Dead or Alive’ – left it IN is what really annoys me.

Exhibit B:

Oh Simon Cowell. In so many ways, I have a crush on you. You’re not as mean as you like to pretend, and you have a tendency to wink at people conspiratorially, and I kind of like it. But you also have a tendency to be chauvinistic (See: That twinkle in your eye as you advance Bikini Girl) and a little too opinionated about how people look and their outfits (See: Carly Smithson). On Wednesday’s show, Simon expanded his typically female-centric criticism and told one of the advancing guys that he didn’t like him because it looked like he was coming from a meeting with Bill Gates – “You know, that Silicon Valley type” – as far as I can tell, on the sole basis that this kid is probably Indian:

Simon, honey. He’s not an MIT student. You’re not near Silicon Valley. He just told you that he’s getting his masters from UNC in anthropology or something, and that his undergrad thesis was about Southern American culture, using barbeque as a sort of metaphor. You think that because he’s from South Asia, he HAS to be a computer geek? Let's try to keep such close-minded borderline racist comments to ourselves from now on, mmk?

Boo.