If I Ignore You, Will You Go Away?
- Fast & Furious – While I genuinely praise the creativity of removing the “The”s to name this sequel (the - ugh - 4th!), I actually find it sad that the original cast has reunited for this, since it essentially proves their success in the first one was a fluke. What words of wisdom might Vin Diesel impart on us this time (Though I don’t see how you could improve upon “I live my life one-quarter mile at a time.”)?
- Observe & Report – I thought I already didn’t see this movie. When it was called ‘Paul Blart: Mall Cop.’ Also, I want to like Anna Faris, really I do. But having seen 'My Super Ex-Girlfriend' and 'House Bunny' - I just don't know if it's in the cards.
- Land of the Lost – I know nothing about this television show, and as much as I love Will Ferrell, I am annoyed by him in the preview. But not as much as I'm annoyed by the Matt Lauer presence. No matter how much Diablo Cody wants me to, I am not seeing this.
- My Sister’s Keeper – Like everyone else my age and in a book group, I read this. It was better than the other Jodi Piccoult we read, and sparked a very interesting conversation (the story revolves around a family with a terminally ill child, and a daughter who's expected to provide the bone marrow donations necessary to keep her alive), but I won't see this movie for three reasons: From the summary alone it sounds like some pretty liberal creative liberties were taken. It will make me cry. A lot. And, Cameron Diaz really does not belong here (Abigail Breslin's mother? Really?). No trailer yet available.
- The Ugly Truth – You might not believe me, but I really don’t want to see this. Parenthetically, Gerard Butler is this year’s Clive Owen - a strapping, scruffy Brit, breaking out of thinking person action films into romance, and the hearts of women everywhere.
There are oh so many other films that I could not be paid to see, but which don't warrant full summaries - conveniently, they fit into categories:
- Anything starring Nicolas Cage, ever (EX: Knowing)
- Anything based on a videogame or anime TV series (EX: Dragonball: Evolution)
- Unnecessary sequels (EX: Angels and Demons, Dance Flick)
- Horror movies starring teenagers (EX: Drag Me to Hell, Jennifer's Body, The Stepfather)
- Bro-mance films that aren't 'I Love You Man' (EX: Mardi Gras)